AGENT CARTER AND INTIMIDATING WOMEN

by Kristin Scheimer

Romantic relationships* are as complex, complicated and diverse as the 7 billion people on this planet.  I’m sure I could write several books on the subject, but today I will be focusing on one specific element that comes up for some women.

It’s the idea that they are “intimidating”, what that means, why this happens and what can be done about it.   There seem to be many answers to these questions, but I think for many women what it comes down to is perception. 

Society gives us many of our perceptions.  There are ideas of what roles women should play in relationships and what roles men should play.  Historically speaking, men have been the breadwinner, the protector, and the strength of the relationship.

In the times of hunters and gatherers, men left the community to hunt.    If danger approached, they were the protectors. 

Women stayed closer to home, gathering food, which required less physical strength than hunting. 

Now imagine there’s that one woman who wants to go out and hunt.  She fights and is just as physically strong as many of the men in the tribe.  How likely is it that she will be able to embrace this role and still find a mate who is ok with this?

But here’s where I believe perception can sometimes be skewed.   Just because she can hunt and fight doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t have the same yearning for a soft and vulnerable relationship with a man as a woman who takes on a more traditional role.

There are many elements to this idea of “intimidating” women.  Some people think men’s insecurities keep them from pursuing a smart, strong, independent woman.  Some men may have been burned by strong women, who weren’t able to be vulnerable and intimate.   Perhaps these women struggle so much with being smart, strong and independent in a world where this can still be difficult for women, that they feel they can never turn this off, even in their interactions with men. 

But I think in many cases - in my own experience and those of many of my friends - there’s a perception that if we are smart, strong and independent, we don’t want or need a man, making men feel that they have no place in a relationship with us.   The truth is, there are actually a fair number of “intimidating” women who want to be vulnerable and cared for by a man.   

In looking for examples in film and television of a smart, strong, independent woman who is also vulnerable and intimate in a relationship with a man, I was surprised to find few examples (and realized this is a vacuum this screenwriter can possibly fill!)

On “Bones”  Temperance Brennan struggles with being intimate and vulnerable, although she has come a long way in that area.  Again this does seem to be the case for some of these “intimidating” women.  They find it difficult  to balance the two.

On “Castle” Richard Castle isn’t afraid to let Kate Beckett be strong, but he also doesn’t take on a traditional male role.  He is more childlike.  He doesn’t seem to be intimidated by her strength, so much as he enjoys it.  

However, Beckett is a good example of a character who is smart, strong and independent, but also soft and vulnerable with her mate.

But the role model I’m choosing for this discussion is Agent Carter from Marvel’s “Agent Carter”.  There are several reasons for this.  First of all, the time period in which the show is set is post World War II, a time when the roles of men and women were very clearly defined.

Advertisements during World War II were all about tailored suits for women and products that could help women in the workplace.  This is because, with all the men at war, women were needed to go to work to fill the many empty jobs in offices and factories.

However, post World War II, men returned home and wanted their jobs back.  Women were encouraged, very strongly, to return to the home and their roles as demure females.  

Advertisements changed, touting the wonderful new home appliances, which made housework so much easier.  Fashion changed to a more flowing, girly dress style, and there was a definite message that women were there to run the household while their men went to work. 

 Whether this was a reflection of society or intended to shape society, it was made very clear what the relationship should be between a man and his wife. 

Into this environment appears Agent Peggy Carter. 

I loved “Agent Carter”.  I thought her character was kickass even by today’s standards.  Yet, whenever Captain America came up on the show and in the first Captain America film, you could see her softer, vulnerable side.

And that’s the quandary that many smart, strong, independent women face.  We have been told on numerous occasions that we intimidate men.  To us, this is ludicrous, because as kickass as we may be in a lot of ways, we get weak in the knees and just want to be intimate and vulnerable with the man of our dreams. 

Is this an oxymoron?  The number of times I’ve received the message from people, from the media, from… the ether – that strong women shouldn’t need a man – has led me to be ashamed of the idea that while I am the most determined person you will meet when it comes to my career, I also, quite simply, want a man in my life.

Did Agent Carter, who jumps onto moving cars, beats up a room full of men, uses her clever wits to outsmart the bad guys, seem any less of herself when we saw her vulnerability that came from her love of Captain America? 

I think the makers of this fun romp did an excellent job of balancing the two sides of Peggy Carter.  She’s strong - stronger than a lot of the men she encounters - but she has a vulnerable side as well.

Are there men who would be intimidated by her?  Does it take a superhero like Captain America to be with a smart, strong, independent woman like Peggy Carter?  I suppose it depends on your definition of superhero.  For many of these women a superhero isn’t a guy with super powers who goes around saving the world.  He’s a guy who shows up.  He has his goals and his life together, but he also has time to be there for the woman he loves, and he is perfectly content with her intelligence, strength and – in some areas of her life – her independence.  That’s superhero power right there.  And she will do the same for him because that’s what all of these super heroines are looking for.

So where does that leave us?  I think ultimately what it comes down to is that the roles of men and women in all areas of society are changing and we all have to adapt and adjust to these changes. 

Ironically, it was the push for women to go into the workforce and the coercion to get them to return to the home that was the impetus for the emerging feminist movement. 

No longer were women ok with their traditional roles.  They’d been sent on the hunt and told they had to return to gathering.  Some of them were fine with that, but others liked hunting side by side with their men.  The cat was out of the bag and couldn’t be returned.   Women learned they were capable of so much more than they’d ever been allowed to be before and no one was going to put them in a box again.

Mixed metaphors aside, what does this mean for relationships between men and women?  That might be a bigger psychological question than I have time to answer in this short blog, but I think the important thing in any interaction of a romantic nature is one common thread:  As humans, we are relational beings.  We all want love and affection.   People may go about it in different ways.  They put up walls because of past hurts or fears.  They hide the vulnerability of wanting intimacy with bravado or tricks.  Some may go overboard demanding affection out of fear of losing it, but regardless of all the masks, if we can all recognize the same need to connect, we just might be able to get past some of these hurdles. 

Despite our demand for equality in the workplace and in all other areas of society, we should never forget that there are still fundamental differences between the sexes, particularly when it comes to romantic interactions.

My therapist once pointed out to me – yes, I see a therapist – that in the physical act of love between a man and a woman, women are quite literally open, vulnerable and receiving to men… giving… to them.   So perhaps there’s something in our nature that tells us, at least in romantic relationships, women will always be soft and open to their men.   That’s not a weakness.  It’s nature.  It doesn’t mean that same woman can’t go out into the workforce and kick some ass.  Just as men can go out and be mighty successes, but still come home and be loving and caring to their wives.  The truth is, no one has the answer, because in the history of the human race, these changing roles of men and women are relatively new.

But this is again where I feel the entertainment industry can come into play.  One often hears actresses complaining that there aren’t enough good, strong roles for women.  Perhaps what we need to explore are these changing ideas of what a woman is and how that affects their interaction with men.  Perhaps we need more characters like Peggy Carter, who can thwart a band of baddies, but still long to return to the strong comforting arms of Captain America.

*For the purposes of this article only – as it deals with gender roles – when I refer to romantic relationships, I am referring to relationships between a man and a woman.