“Heterosexuality
is not normal, it's just common.”
I’ve always
been a bit baffled by the term “sexual orientation”. Why is
it that we say someone who dates, falls in love with, marries or has a
committed relationship with a person of the same gender has a “sexual
orientation” of homosexuality? Why isn’t
it a “romance orientation” or “love orientation”?
I think the
term sexual orientation makes it seem as if the only connection between two men
and two women is sex, instead of the reality that two people in a committed romantic
relationship, any two people, are there because of love.
Listening to
the arguments for and against homosexuality, you often hear “No one should be
able to regulate who we LOVE.” vs. “SEX between two people of the same gender is
a sin.”
And for the
record, I refuse to get into the religious arguments on this subject as I give
them zero validity. I’ll let Aaron
Sorkin explain why.
For the
purposes of this article, I am not addressing, discussing or trying to sway
people who come from a place of total and complete hatred and intolerance. In fact, I see no reason to ever engage this
particular group. I believe the more an
idea becomes the standard way of thinking, the less power these naysayers
have.
This is more for
the people who complain that Shonda Rhimes puts too many “gay love scenes” in
her shows, and people who want to be “open minded”, but are just “uncomfortable”
with the idea.
Well, it’s
time to get comfortable, because as Ms. Rhimes herself has said, she doesn’t
put “gay love scenes” in her shows.
They’re just love scenes.
They’re no more or less graphic than “straight” love scenes.
So why are
people uncomfortable? Well, the answer
is obvious. The idea that homosexuality
is wrong, unsavory and unnatural has permeated our society for a long
time. Sadly it takes time to undo that
kind of thinking.
What needs to
change, and I believe will change in time, is the idea that the expression of
love between two people is beautiful and natural. This isn’t any different if the two people
are both men or both women.
There was an
interesting video floating around recently that showed the skeletons of two
people, who were standing behind a screen, kissing lovingly. This was not viewed as sexual. The crowd reacted to it as an expression of
love. Then, the two people came out from
behind the screen and everyone was shocked that they were two women.
Several years
ago, the incredibly attractive Matt Bomer “came out” in the most casual
way. He was being interviewed and simply
referred to his husband and children as if it was the most natural thing in the
world. BECAUSE IT IS. That’s his life. He has a husband and kids and he would and
does reference them the way anyone would.
The more we
can start to see that there is fundamentally no difference between heterosexual
couples and homosexual couples, the more we will start moving into a more
enlightened world in which same sex couples are treated as naturally as Matt
Bomer, Neil Patrick Harris and so many other openly gay people treat their
partners and families. Also, hopefully,
one day, there will be no such thing as “coming out” because there will be no
reason to “stay in”.
Matt Bomer
with his husband, Simon Halls.
They
have three children: Walker, Henry & Kit.
Neil Patrick
Harris with his husband, David
Burtka,
and their
children, Harper & Gideon.
But we still
have a long ways to go, and I believe it starts with changing the
dialogue. Instead of focusing on sex
between two people, we need to focus more on love. Not to say sex is bad, but as a society we
view love as grander, more valuable and a more legitimate reason for two people
to be together. And let’s face it, in
this country we’re very uptight about sex of any kind. We need to shift the depiction of homosexuals
from having a SEXUAL orientation to having a LOVE orientation.
And as I have
said in previous blog posts, I think that film and television are wonderful
mediums for helping people to see and understand something that maybe they don’t
see enough of in their lives. The more
same sex couples are depicted as the same as heterosexual couples, the more
people will – over time – realize there’s no reason to feel awkward.
The more
people view homosexuality as a perfectly natural part of the world, the less power
the bullies, religious nuts and conservative politicians will have. Historically, most of the major social
changes in the world happened because of the will of the people. In the words of the great historian Howard
Zinn:
On The Daily
Show with Jon Stewart on Tuesday, April 21, he pointed out that even the most
die hard Republican Presidential candidates aren’t able to express themselves
with the same fire and brimstone against gay marriage as they could in previous
years because of the national shift in attitude towards gay marriage.
This is also what
we’re starting to see more and more of in film, and especially on
television. Gay and lesbian
relationships are beginning to be treated the same as heterosexual relationships,
finally starting to open up people’s minds to the reality that fundamentally,
there is no difference.
The depiction
of homosexuality on TV has historically been controversial. In
1977, a little sitcom called “Soap” appeared.
If you have not had the pleasure of seeing this very funny show, I
recommend you do. “Soap”, which is a
spoof of soap operas, faced a lot of controversy when it first aired.
While the
show did explore Jodie’s relationships with men, there was never any show of
affection. In fact, in “The Soap Memo”
that was leaked to the LA Times, one of the censor’s notes was: "The
relationship between Jodie and the football player should be handled in such a
manner that explicit or intimate aspects of homosexuality are avoided
entirely."
What’s
interesting about this is that they had no problem with the expressions of a
relationship between these two men. They
just didn’t want expressions of affection or intimacy. It was perfectly fine to show a man and a
women kissing, but not two men. All
things being equal - meaning a storyline about a man and woman in love and a storyline
about two men in love - what IS the difference between those two kisses. Why are the “explicit” or “intimate” aspects
of homosexuality to be avoided?
As depictions
of gay and lesbian couples developed, they became more physical, and each time
there was controversy. And each time, I
believe what was overlooked is that these were often (though not always)
expressions of love.
Who can
forget the enormous uproar of Ellen DeGeneres’ coming out episode on her show
“Ellen” or the kiss on “Roseanne”? To
this day, kisses between two men or two women on TV are considered
controversial.
Something
else used to be controversial as well.
Kisses between mixed race couples.
I know there are many people out there who think they could never
comfortably watch two men or two women kissing, but at one time, people
absolutely felt the same way about seeing a black man and a white woman
kissing.
In the film
“Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” despite the film being entirely about a black
man and a white woman in love, the shots of the couple kissing were edited out
of the final version of the film.
It seems that
while historically African Americans and homosexuals have had very different
backgrounds, there are some ways in which their inclusion into various areas of
society have been similar.
On the
greatest TV show ever made (and yes I stand by that declaration) “The West
Wing” written by the writing genius Aaron Sorkin, there’s another wonderful
scene in which a group of soldiers and White House staffers are discussing gays
in the military. Into the mix marches Percy
Fitzwallace, played by the African American actor, John Amos.
He speaks to
Major Tate, who claims “Sir, we’re not prejudiced towards homosexuals.” To which Fitzwallace replies “You just don't want to see them
serving in the Armed Forces? 'Cause they
impose a threat to unit discipline and cohesion. That's what I think, too. I also think the military wasn't designed to
be an instrument of social change. The
problem with that is that's what they were saying about me 50 years ago -
blacks shouldn't serve with whites. It
would disrupt the unit. You know what? It did disrupt the unit. The unit got over it. The unit changed. I'm an admiral in the U.S.
Navy and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff... Beat that with a stick.”
And
we can get over it too. We can
change. Is it any less strange to watch
a man and a woman kiss on screen than it is to watch two men or two women? I think absolutely not, save for our
conditioning that says otherwise.
This
is what needs to change and I believe film and television can and is leading
the charge to showing us that there is no difference and it’s perfectly
natural. Perhaps I’m an optimist, but I very much believe
that one day a homosexual kiss will be no different to the viewing audience
than a heterosexual kiss.
TV shows are
already handling the depiction of gay couples in ways they never have before,
but this is incredibly new. Yes, maybe
it will take some getting used to, but that’s only because we need to shift our
minds.
Shonda Rhimes
(and yes, by now you’ve all realized I have great admiration for this amazingly
talented woman) has broken a great deal of new ground with her depictions of
gay couples in her many shows. She does
this by treating her gay couples exactly the same as her straight couples. Some fall in love, some are all about lust, some
break each other’s hearts, and some get married. They feel the same love, hate, passion, pain
and fears as the heterosexuals on her show.
There was a
great moment on the show “The Flash” in the episode “Out of Time”, which aired
on March 17th. Capt. David Singh, a fairly minor character,
is gravely injured in an attack at the police precinct. When Joe and Barry arrive at the hospital,
David’s fiancé, who happens to be a man, is there. They console the fiancé and treat him as they
would any significant other of a police officer who had been injured. There was one tense moment when the doctor
wasn’t going to let the fiancé in to see David, as she said only family was
allowed. To which Joe says, “Being his
fiancé makes him family, doctor.” And
that was that.
This scene was handled so simply, with only a slight nod
to the conflict gay couples often face in hospital settings like this. Aside from that moment, this was a committed
couple, period.
The showrunner for “The Flash” is another very talented
writer/director Greg Berlanti, who made a delightful little romantic comedy
“The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy”.
It’s a wonderful, heartwarming film about love, friendship and
relationships. Oh, yeah. And all the characters are gay.
Treating homosexuality the same way we treat
heterosexuality is and should be the goal in the mediums of film and TV. But the reality is, we’re not there yet – and
we’re definitely not there in the real world.
So sometimes, as a maker of film and TV programming, you just gotta put
the truth out there.
Which brings me to the show “Empire”. As I said in my last post, there’s so much to love about “Empire”;
the Shakespeare references, the music, the crazy plot twists… Cookie. But
when it comes to putting it all out there about homosexuality, “Empire” does
it!
SPOILER ALERT
Lucious
Lyons, played by the incredibly talented Terrance Howard, gives a committed
performance as the homophobic father of a gay son: The flashbacks to the hatred
he felt when he saw that side of Jamal, his matter of fact declaration that
Jamal simply needed to stop being gay, and his refusal to make a good business
decision because he didn’t want to give any acknowledgement to his gay
son. In Lucious Lyon, Lee Daniels and
Danny Strong, the creators of “Empire”, created a solid vehicle for homophobia.
Jamal’s
character also embodies much of what a gay man, especially a black gay man, has
to face. His fear of coming out just as
he’s starting to be a success in the world of hip hop doesn’t make him seem
like a coward, despite how many times he’s told he is. It simply illustrates the real climate of the
world.
What’s
beautiful, though, is the twist Daniels and Strong throws at us: one of the most poignant and
powerful coming out moments. As Jamal
sings his father’s song at a huge party given by Empire Records, he sings the
words “It’s the kind of song that makes a man love a man!”
Perhaps I’m
optimistic, but I’d like to believe that the response Jamal received was pretty
much what would happen in this day and age.
Lucious is convinced Empire will lose clients, but no one cares. In fact Jamal brings in a new big client, who
is impressed with how Jamal came out.
As Cookie
puts it, “He came
out to the world, and nothing changed, Lucious.
You're still you. He's still
Jamal. The whole world knows. No one cares.
The world is still spinning, Lucious.
No one cares that he's gay.”
I’d like to
leave this article with saying something that just makes me so happy. In deciding what to include in this article
without making it longer than it is, I realized I had to leave out quite a number
of positive depictions of gay and lesbian characters in film and TV. I think Hollywood is moving in the right
direction with this.
As the world
starts to finally see that homosexuality isn’t just about what gender a person wants
to have sex with, but is also about what gender a person will fall in love with
(and I am not even covering the many grey areas in between in this article), TV
and film has a great platform to show an audience this through characters we
love and root for, through romantic storylines that make us swoon, and through
frank conversations about a topic that is still far more taboo than it should
be.
I leave you
with this short piece starring the brother of a friend of mine, because I
always like to support fellow artists whose work I enjoy.
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